what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
