You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
