RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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