youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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