I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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