is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I am midnight drunk by noon
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
