I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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