just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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