just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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