What did we do last night that was yellow?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
