remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It's shark week go big or go home
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
