walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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