Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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