there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
50% drunk capacity currently
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
