hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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