I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I will be naked everywhere
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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