My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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