New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
