hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Welp...herpes.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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