I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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