also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I think I am morally bankrupt
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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