I just saw a hot homeless man
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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