it was like fucking gandolphs beard
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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