She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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