i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
