Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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