just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize