Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
FUCK WHALES
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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