Don't you send me to vm
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
