You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
