Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
