a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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