I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
