every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
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