Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
