oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
i think my cat just said my name.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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