I CAN MOONWALK!
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
