It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
