Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
