Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
