i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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