Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
