ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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