The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
