You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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