either way he was missing a nipple.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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