Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
