Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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