DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
