I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
