HIV tests are more positive than that guy
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
