It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
