I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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