whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
