My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
