I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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