I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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