so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
