its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
