Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize