You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
