I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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