And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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