I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
