i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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