So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
