there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
