Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
