hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
