i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
