Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
