so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My dick has a subreddit
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
