It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
